I really almost didn't make it through yesterday without behaviors... After dinner I was set on going to the store to purge/buy laxatives but a staff member (who is really kind) stopped me. She could tell I wasn't in a good place: I completely broke down, and then called my therapist and talked to her for quite a while. It helped. We made a list of all the good things that come with recovery. Sometimes after meals I get so sucked into negative thoughts that I forget how many good things I have to look forward to. All I feel is ugly and gross and it feels like recovery is the wrong choice for some reason. But then I step back and see that recovery is definitely the way to go. And apparently the staff at my program are impressed with the progress I've made :) I've been working so hard! It's nice to know people are noticing. I'm hoping soon I'll get out of residential housing and into independent living , and that I'll be able to get my pet rats, Drew and Annie. It will be nice to have some fuzzy friends to cuddle and take care of. Not the same as having my kitty, but still comforting and fun.
Today I woke up and took a shower, and in the morning I'm actually ok with my body! I'm not skinny like I was. I'm certainly filling out, but it's ok. I look healthy, and not overweight. It's taking some getting used to but I think if I wait it out long enough I can get used to this new body. I'm not frail and sick looking anymore... And I'll go ahead and say that's a good thing. Because really, who wants to look sick?
Off to breakfast.... Have a beautiful day!
No comments:
Post a Comment